4/24 - i got ghosted again. left on sent. i barely talked to this boy and i got ghosted. he saw one of my ig stories from some of my friend phones. long story short(not really) he ghosted me after i asked for of a pic of him. i don't know wwhat you look like.
all my friends are "locking in". tbh i don't know if i should really call them friends. school friends at highest, the 5 of us have fun in class though. one i had a crush on and then he soft launched his new gf. one is dading the boy i had a crush on in elementary school (he kind of bullied me too). one we don't know much about her relationship. and the last isnt even interest in hs dating.
i'm not sure what's wrong with me or why i can't get in a relationship. i just want someone to care about me without being obligated to. someone who decieds to care about me.
truely, i'm an attention whore. i like attention. i like it when people want to talk to me. i like it when people acknowledge me. i really like it when r gives me attention, talks to me, and acknowledges me. he's a senior at a differnet school and it's april though. "it hurts to be something, it's worse to be nothing with you" (promise-laufey). i don't wanna say anything because he's the kind of person that can genuinuenly make me laugh and he's really nice to me and he couldn't hear me the first time i told him my name so i let him call me a nickname but everyone else calls me by nickname, so it's special now. when he would see me while i was on a walk he would yell my name and it meant a lot because sometimes he would be the only person other than my mom that would say something to me that week.
having no social interactions changes you. i "dissappear" from school for a week and get no calls, no texts, no dms the whole time. once i get beck it's "where were you?" and "are you ok?" and "what happened?" you have my phone number, instagram, and spam account on insta, and my email.
if someone doesnt ask while you're gone, do they even really care? one sentance and send. it's that simple. you have 4 ways of doing it.
my school friend think my standards are low. we did "my type" for fun. i said 5'9" minimum, smart, common interests, and nice to me along with some other things. they flipped over nice to me.
"that's the bare mimimum" "why would you even include that?"
maybe some people aren't used to people being nice to them. maybe some people are used having bad luck with the boys they talk to. maybe i just need someone to be consisetently nice to me for once. maybe i'm just fucking lonely.
i also realized its around the tenth annaversary of my first suicidal thought. yay 10 years of depression.